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Active listening is more than just hearing what someone says. It’s a powerful communication skill that allows you to truly understand the message of the person you’re talking to, and to show them that you care.
Active listening can help negotiators build rapport, trust, and mutual understanding, as well as identify areas of agreement and disagreement.
It was developed by the American psychologist Carl Rogers (1), who believed that the best way to help someone is to listen to them with empathy and respect, without judging or directing them.
“We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.”
Carl Rogers
Active listening is not about logic or facts. It’s about emotions and feelings. It’s about tapping into the heart of the person you’re listening to, and making them feel heard and valued. It’s about creating a deep connection that can transform any relationship.
But how do you master active listening?
Here are five key principles that you need to follow:
- Be welcoming: Treat the person you’re listening to as the most important person in the world. Show them that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say, and that you accept them as they are. This will create trust and openness, and encourage them to share more.
- Focus on their experience, not their words: Don’t get stuck on the surface level of what they’re saying. Go deeper and try to understand what they’re feeling and why. Ask open-ended questions and paraphrase what they say to clarify and confirm your understanding.
- Be interested in them, not the problem: Don’t try to solve their problem or give them advice. That’s not what they need from you. They need you to listen to them and empathize with them. Try to see the problem from their perspective, and how it affects their life.
- Show respect: Don’t criticize, judge, or interrupt the person you’re listening to. Respect their point of view and their right to express themselves. Don’t impose your own opinions or beliefs on them. Let them be who they are, without trying to change them.
- Be a mirror: Reflect back what they say and feel, using their own words and tone. This will show them that you’re paying attention and that you understand them. It will also help them to hear themselves more clearly, and to gain new insights into their situation.
Non-Directivity and Empathy: The core of active listening
In addition to these five principles, there are two essential attitudes that you need to adopt when practicing active listening: non-directivity and empathy.
- Non-directivity means that you don’t try to influence or control the person you’re listening to. You let them lead the conversation, and follow their pace and direction. You don’t have an agenda or a goal for them. You trust that they have the answers within themselves, and that they can find their own solutions.
- Empathy means that you feel with the person you’re listening to, as if you were in their shoes. You don’t just sympathize with them or pity them. You try to experience their world as they do, and share their emotions. You show them unconditional acceptance and compassion.
The key to successful multicultural negotiation
Active listening is important in a multicultural context because it helps to overcome the barriers and challenges that arise from different languages, cultures, and perspectives. It is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice and awareness.
There are benefits of active listening in a multicultural context :
- It can enhance productivity and communication in a diverse work environment.
- It can help bridge the gaps in cross-cultural business communication.
- It foster your concentration and empathy skills.
Examples and Tips : Negotiate better deals across cultures
- In the negotiations for a merger between two software companies, the CEOs of both firms used active listening to understand each other’s vision, goals, and concerns. They also used active listening to address any potential conflicts or risks that might arise from the merger, and to explore the benefits and synergies of the deal. They used paraphrasing, inquiry, and acknowledgment to show respect and interest, and to build trust and rapport.
- For example, one CEO might say: “So, what you’re saying is that you’re worried about how our cultures will fit together, and how we’ll manage the integration process. I can see why that’s important to you. Can you tell me more about how you envision the ideal merger scenario?”
- Some good questions that can be asked in this context are: “What are your main objectives for the merger?”, “How do you see our products and services complementing each other?”, “What are some of the challenges or opportunities that you anticipate from the merger?”
- For example, one CEO might say: “So, what you’re saying is that you’re worried about how our cultures will fit together, and how we’ll manage the integration process. I can see why that’s important to you. Can you tell me more about how you envision the ideal merger scenario?”
- In the negotiations for the Paris Agreement on climate change, the parties used active listening to acknowledge the diversity and complexity of the issues involved, and to respect each other’s views and needs. They also used active listening to identify common goals and principles, and to craft a flexible and inclusive framework for cooperation. They used paraphrasing, inquiry, and acknowledgment to show respect and interest, and to build trust and rapport.
- For example, one party might say: “So, what you’re saying is that you’re committed to reducing your greenhouse gas emissions, but you need more financial and technical support from developed countries. I can see why that’s important to you. Can you tell me more about how much support you need and how you plan to use it?”
- Some good questions that can be asked in this context are: “What are your main concerns or priorities regarding climate change?”, “How do you measure your progress and impact on climate action?”, “What are some of the best practices or lessons learned that you can share with other parties?”
- For example, one party might say: “So, what you’re saying is that you’re committed to reducing your greenhouse gas emissions, but you need more financial and technical support from developed countries. I can see why that’s important to you. Can you tell me more about how much support you need and how you plan to use it?”
- In the negotiations for a trade deal between two countries, the representatives of both sides used active listening to understand each other’s interests, preferences, and constraints. They also used active listening to address any potential disputes or disagreements that might arise from the trade deal, and to explore the possibilities and benefits of mutual cooperation. They used paraphrasing, inquiry, and acknowledgment to show respect and interest, and to build trust and rapport.
- For example, one representative might say: “So, what you’re saying is that you’re willing to lower your tariffs on some of our products, but you need more access to our market for your services. I can see why that’s important to you. Can you tell me more about what kind of services you want to offer and what kind of regulations or standards you can comply with?”
- Some good questions that can be asked in this context are: “What are your main goals or expectations for the trade deal?”, “How do you assess the competitiveness and quality of your products or services?”, “What are some of the potential risks or opportunities that you foresee from the trade deal?”
- For example, one representative might say: “So, what you’re saying is that you’re willing to lower your tariffs on some of our products, but you need more access to our market for your services. I can see why that’s important to you. Can you tell me more about what kind of services you want to offer and what kind of regulations or standards you can comply with?”
A guide for effective multicultural negotiation
- Show respect and appreciation for the diversity of others, and build trust and rapport with them.
- Understand the meaning and intention behind their words, and avoid misunderstandings or conflicts.
- Learn from their experiences, insights, and values, and broaden your own worldview.
- Communicate more effectively and persuasively, and achieve your goals more easily.
If you master these skills and attitudes, you will become an amazing active listener who can connect with anyone on a deep level. You will make people feel seen, heard, and understood. You will build trust, rapport, and influence. You will inspire people to open up, grow, and change.
Active listening is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to someone. It can change their life, and yours too. So start practicing it today, and see the difference it makes!
In summary, Active Listening techniques for multicultural negotiation
- Active listening is a powerful communication skill that goes beyond hearing to understand and empathize with the speaker.
- Developed by psychologist Carl Rogers, it aims to create trust, mutual understanding, and rapport.
- Five key principles of active listening:
- Be welcoming to make the speaker feel valued.
- Focus on the speaker’s emotions and experiences, not just their words.
- Be interested in the person, not just the problem.
- Show respect by avoiding criticism, judgment, or interruptions.
- Reflect and mirror the speaker’s words and emotions.
- Non-directivity and empathy are essential attitudes for effective active listening.
- Active listening is crucial in multicultural contexts for overcoming language and cultural barriers.
- Benefits of active listening in multicultural settings include improved productivity, communication, concentration, and empathy.
- Mastering active listening can build deep connections, trust, rapport, and influence, transforming relationships.
- Active listening is a valuable gift that can change lives for both the listener and the speaker.
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
Karl Menninger
References
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