Who are you talking to? Why you should learn transactional analysis.

A guide to understanding yourself and others

Why do we communicate the way we do?
Why do we sometimes feel misunderstood or frustrated by others?
Why do we need to understand ourselves and others better?

The answer lies in transactional analysis, a powerful tool that helps us discover the three aspects of our personality that shape our communication: the Child, the Parent and the Adult. These are not fixed roles, but dynamic states that we switch between depending on the situation and the person we are talking to.

We all have three parts of ourselves that we use to communicate. They show up in different situations and with different people.

The Child is based on feelings. It’s how we experience life, what motivates us and what makes us happy or sad.
The Parent is based on rules. It’s how we teach others, what we judge as good or bad and how we protect ourselves and others.
The Adult is based on facts. It’s how we get information, evaluate situations and make decisions.

Transactional analysis is a way of understanding which part of you is talking to which part of someone else. It helps you to be more aware of your own behavior and improve your communication with others.

Sometimes, the parts don’t match. You might talk to someone’s Adult with your Child, or to their Parent with your Adult. This can cause confusion, conflict or misunderstanding.

The goal is to use the right part for the right situation. To do that, you need to know how each part works and how to develop it.

Tools for self-awareness and effective communication

To develop your Child, connect with your emotions, express your feelings and desires, and set goals that make you happy.
- Tip : “I’m feeling stressed about this deadline. I don’t think I can finish it on time. Can we extend it for a few days?” This would show your emotions and preferences, but it might also sound unprofessional or irresponsible.
To develop your Parent, remember the rules, give your opinion clearly, identify the needs of others and discover their qualities.
- Tip : “This deadline is unrealistic. It’s not fair to expect me to work so hard. You should give me more time and resources.” This would show your opinion and judgment, but it might also sound aggressive or defensive.
To develop your Adult, listen and rephrase, question without judging or advising, describe situations using facts and decide on an action.
- Tip : “I have reviewed the project requirements and the current progress. I estimate that I need two more days to complete it with quality. Can we negotiate a new deadline?” This would show your facts and decisions, but it might also sound rational and cooperative.

Using the Adult part is usually the best option for effective communication, especially in a professional context. However, there might be situations where using the Child or the Parent part is appropriate, depending on the relationship and the goal of the communication. The key is to be aware of which part you are using and which part the other person is using, and to adjust accordingly.

By doing this, you can become more confident, more creative and more effective in your personal and professional life. You can also help others to do the same.

Intercultural communication in international negotiation

Intercultural communication is a complex and dynamic process that involves multiple factors and challenges. In an international negotiation context, with multicultural profiles, it is important to be aware of the different communication styles, expectations, values, and norms that each party may have.

Some of the aspects that may affect intercultural communication in a negotiation are:

The degree of directness or indirectness: Some cultures prefer to communicate in a direct and explicit way, while others rely more on implicit and subtle cues. For example, in some Asian cultures, saying “no” directly may be considered rude or disrespectful, so they may use other ways to express disagreement or refusal, such as silence, hesitation, or vague responses. On the other hand, in some Western cultures, being direct and clear may be valued as a sign of honesty and efficiency.
It is important to understand the preferred communication style of each party and adapt accordingly.
The role of context and relationship: Some cultures are more context-dependent and relationship-oriented than others. This means that they pay more attention to the situational factors and the interpersonal dynamics that influence communication, rather than the literal meaning of words. For example, in some Arab cultures, building rapport and trust is essential before engaging in any business negotiation. On the other hand, in some Nordic cultures, getting straight to the point and focusing on facts and figures may be preferred.
It is important to respect the different expectations and preferences of each party regarding the role of context and relationship in communication.
The expression and management of emotions: Some cultures are more expressive and emotional than others. This means that they show their feelings openly and use them as a way to communicate their attitudes and opinions. For example, in some Latin American cultures, using gestures, facial expressions, and vocal variations may be common and expected. On the other hand, in some Asian cultures, displaying emotions may be seen as a sign of weakness or loss of control.
It is important to be aware of the different norms and values regarding the expression and management of emotions in communication.

Intercultural communication can affect international negotiation with multicultural profiles. There are many other factors that may also play a role, such as power distance, individualism vs collectivism, uncertainty avoidance, time orientation, etc.

The key is to be open-minded, respectful, and adaptable to the different communication styles and needs of each party. By doing so, you can enhance your intercultural competence and achieve more successful outcomes in your negotiation.

Harmonizing with the melodies of others is the true secret to conducting success

In the world of communication and negotiation, understanding the dynamics of our own personality and that of others means carefully evaluating the potential for added value before making business decisions.

We need to analyze the elements of effective communication. Transactional analysis serves as an assessment of communication, with Child, Parent and Adult aspects as strengths. Navigating the complex landscape of cross-cultural communication also requires evaluating various factors, much like assessing a company’s competitive advantage and market conditions.

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.
Who looks outside, dreams;
Who looks inside, awakes.”
Carl Gustav Jung

Ultimately, success in communication and negotiation, much like successful investing, requires adaptability, awareness, and a keen eye for the unique attributes of each situation and each individual involved. By mastering the art of communication and adopting intercultural competence, we can maximize our returns in our personal and professional endeavors.

So let us become wise communicators and skillful negotiators, recognizing that by understanding others and ourselves we discover the key to opening the way to a world of opportunity and success.

In summary, How transactional analysis can improve your relationships

Transactional analysis reveals three aspects of personality that shape communication: Child (feelings), Parent (rules), and Adult (facts).
These aspects are dynamic states that change based on the situation and the person being communicated with.
Mismatched aspects can lead to confusion and conflict in communication.
Developing each aspect is essential for effective communication:
- Developing the Child involves connecting with emotions, expressing feelings and desires, and setting happiness-based goals.
- Developing the Parent involves remembering rules, expressing opinions clearly, identifying others’ needs, and recognizing their qualities.
- Developing the Adult involves listening, questioning without judgment or advice, describing situations using facts, and making decisions.
The Adult aspect is often the most effective for professional communication, but using Child or Parent aspects may be appropriate in certain contexts.
Being aware of and adapting to the aspects used by oneself and others enhances communication effectiveness.
In intercultural communication during international negotiation:
- Differences in directness or indirectness, context, and relationship importance should be respected.
- Varied expressions and management of emotions must be acknowledged.
- Other factors like power distance, individualism vs. collectivism, and time orientation may also play a role.
Open-mindedness, respect, and adaptability to different communication styles are essential for successful intercultural negotiation outcomes.

“The concept of script is the life plan that we unconsciously follow based on the decisions we made in our childhood. A loser has a negative scenario that leads him to failure and misery. A winner has a positive storyline that leads them to success and happiness. A winner can also face setbacks and challenges, while a loser can only fantasize and escape.”
Terry Paulson