How Neuro-Linguistic Programming elevates your deal-making game
Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is defined by its creators as “the study of the individual’s subjective reality”. It consists of reprogramming the brain to add new potentials. It studies how to speak and how to behave. Language shapes our thoughts, and thoughts shape our reality. With Neuro-Linguistic Programming, we hold the key to unlocking the potential of both mind and communication.
This psychological approach focuses on how you communicate with yourself and others, and how this affects your behaviors and outcomes. NLP is a way of changing our thoughts and behaviors to help achieve desired goals by changing response patterns, emotional states, and associations to situations that cause unwanted behaviors.
NLP would allow us to detect the unsaid, it is a key to access a sensory register of the non-apparent part of the Iceberg like observing involuntary eye movements that indicate what kind of thinking or memory the person is using for example.
There are three components: Visual, auditory and kinesthetic which correspond to the different ways people process information and express themselves.
Be careful though. It is not based on any scientific basis and offers no proven or demonstrable results.
It is regularly reported as dangerous by governments (1).
Tools to change how you think, feel, and act
There are many examples of NLP in practice, by using language, sensory experiences, and mental images such as :
- Anchoring: Creating a trigger for a desired emotion by linking it to a sensory experience. For example, touching your earlobe to feel confident.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a salary raise with your boss. You can use anchoring to create a positive emotional state in yourself and a negative one in your boss. For example, before the negotiation, you can touch your earlobe to feel confident and remind yourself of your achievements and value. During the negotiation, you can subtly touch your earlobe again to reinforce your confidence and make your boss associate it with your high expectations. You can also use negative anchors on your boss, such as frowning or shaking your head when he or she offers a low amount, to make him or her feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a salary raise with your boss. You can use anchoring to create a positive emotional state in yourself and a negative one in your boss. For example, before the negotiation, you can touch your earlobe to feel confident and remind yourself of your achievements and value. During the negotiation, you can subtly touch your earlobe again to reinforce your confidence and make your boss associate it with your high expectations. You can also use negative anchors on your boss, such as frowning or shaking your head when he or she offers a low amount, to make him or her feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied.
- Swish pattern: Changing a behavior by replacing a negative image with a positive one in your mind. For example, visualizing yourself doing the task instead of avoiding it.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a deal with a client who is hesitant to sign the contract. You can use the swish pattern to change your behavior and persuade the client. For example, before the negotiation, you can visualize yourself being nervous and anxious, while also visualizing yourself being calm and confident. Then, you can mentally switch the images quickly, so that the confident image replaces the nervous one. This can help you create a new association between the negotiation and the emotion. During the negotiation, you can act confidently and assertively, while also projecting a positive image of the outcome to the client.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a deal with a client who is hesitant to sign the contract. You can use the swish pattern to change your behavior and persuade the client. For example, before the negotiation, you can visualize yourself being nervous and anxious, while also visualizing yourself being calm and confident. Then, you can mentally switch the images quickly, so that the confident image replaces the nervous one. This can help you create a new association between the negotiation and the emotion. During the negotiation, you can act confidently and assertively, while also projecting a positive image of the outcome to the client.
- Visual-kinesthetic dissociation: Reducing the impact of a bad memory by distancing yourself from it and changing how you see it. For example, imagining yourself watching a movie of the memory instead of reliving it.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a merger with a rival company that has harmed your business in the past. You can use visual-kinesthetic dissociation to reduce the emotional impact of the resentment and focus on the benefits. For example, before the negotiation, you can imagine yourself watching a movie of yourself competing with the rival company, while also distancing yourself from the screen and lowering the volume. This can help you detach from the memory and reduce its intensity. During the negotiation, you can avoid getting hostile and defensive, and instead focus on the strategic and financial aspects of the merger.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a merger with a rival company that has harmed your business in the past. You can use visual-kinesthetic dissociation to reduce the emotional impact of the resentment and focus on the benefits. For example, before the negotiation, you can imagine yourself watching a movie of yourself competing with the rival company, while also distancing yourself from the screen and lowering the volume. This can help you detach from the memory and reduce its intensity. During the negotiation, you can avoid getting hostile and defensive, and instead focus on the strategic and financial aspects of the merger.
- Rapport: Establishing a connection and trust with another person by matching their body language, tone of voice, and words. This can help influence their behavior and attitude.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a partnership with a potential ally who has different interests and values from yours. You can use rapport to establish a connection and trust with them by matching their body language, tone of voice, and words. For example, during the negotiation, you can mirror their posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact. You can also match their speech patterns, such as speed, volume, pitch, and vocabulary. You can also use words that reflect their values and goals, such as “cooperation”, “mutual benefit”, or “long-term relationship”. This can help influence their behavior and attitude towards you and make them more receptive to your proposals.
- Meta-model: Challenging vague or distorted language by asking specific questions that reveal the underlying assumptions and beliefs of the speaker. This can help clarify their meaning and expose any logical flaws or inconsistencies.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a contract with a supplier who is using vague or distorted language to avoid committing to specific terms or conditions. You can use the meta-model to challenge their language by asking specific questions that reveal their underlying assumptions and beliefs. For example, during the negotiation, you can ask questions such as “What do you mean by ‘reasonable’ price?”, “How do you measure ‘quality’ service?”, or “What are the consequences of ‘delaying’ delivery?”. This can help clarify their meaning and expose any logical flaws or inconsistencies in their arguments.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a contract with a supplier who is using vague or distorted language to avoid committing to specific terms or conditions. You can use the meta-model to challenge their language by asking specific questions that reveal their underlying assumptions and beliefs. For example, during the negotiation, you can ask questions such as “What do you mean by ‘reasonable’ price?”, “How do you measure ‘quality’ service?”, or “What are the consequences of ‘delaying’ delivery?”. This can help clarify their meaning and expose any logical flaws or inconsistencies in their arguments.
- Milton model: Using vague and ambiguous language to bypass the critical thinking of the listener and access their subconscious mind. This can help induce a trance state and suggest new possibilities or solutions.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a sale with a customer who is unsure about buying your product or service. You can use the Milton model to use vague and ambiguous language to bypass their critical thinking and access their subconscious mind. This can help induce a trance state and suggest new possibilities or solutions. For example, during the negotiation, you can use phrases such as “You might want to consider…”, “Imagine how it would feel if…”, or “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”. This can help create positive associations with your product or service and make them more likely to buy it.
- Ex : Suppose you are negotiating a sale with a customer who is unsure about buying your product or service. You can use the Milton model to use vague and ambiguous language to bypass their critical thinking and access their subconscious mind. This can help induce a trance state and suggest new possibilities or solutions. For example, during the negotiation, you can use phrases such as “You might want to consider…”, “Imagine how it would feel if…”, or “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”. This can help create positive associations with your product or service and make them more likely to buy it.
- Logical levels: Identifying the different levels of perception and change that affect your experience, such as environment, behavior, capabilities, beliefs, identity, and purpose. This can help align these levels and create congruence and harmony.
- Suppose you are negotiating a change in your organization with your team members who are resistant to it. You can use logical levels to identify the different levels of perception and change that affect their experience, such as environment, behavior, capabilities, beliefs, identity, and purpose. This can help align these levels and create congruence and harmony. For example, during the negotiation, you can address each level by asking questions such as “What is the current situation and what is the desired outcome?”, “What actions are needed to achieve the outcome?”, “What skills and resources are required to perform the actions?”, “What beliefs support or hinder the actions?”, “How does the outcome relate to who we are as a team?”, or “How does the outcome serve our mission and vision?”. This can help create a shared understanding of the change and its benefits for everyone involved.
- Suppose you are negotiating a change in your organization with your team members who are resistant to it. You can use logical levels to identify the different levels of perception and change that affect their experience, such as environment, behavior, capabilities, beliefs, identity, and purpose. This can help align these levels and create congruence and harmony. For example, during the negotiation, you can address each level by asking questions such as “What is the current situation and what is the desired outcome?”, “What actions are needed to achieve the outcome?”, “What skills and resources are required to perform the actions?”, “What beliefs support or hinder the actions?”, “How does the outcome relate to who we are as a team?”, or “How does the outcome serve our mission and vision?”. This can help create a shared understanding of the change and its benefits for everyone involved.
- Neurological levels: Identifying the different levels of neurological processing that affect your experience, such as physiology, emotions, thoughts, symbols, and spirit. This can help integrate these levels and create coherence and balance.
- Suppose you are negotiating a personal goal with yourself that is challenging or difficult to achieve. You can use neurological levels to identify the different levels of neurological processing that affect your experience, such as physiology, emotions, thoughts, symbols, and spirit. This can help integrate these levels and create coherence and balance. For example, before the negotiation, you can address each level by asking yourself questions such as “How do I feel physically about this goal?”, “What emotions does this goal evoke in me?”, “What thoughts or beliefs do I have about this goal?”, “What symbols or metaphors represent this goal for me?”, or “How does this goal connect to my higher purpose or meaning?”. This can help create a holistic view of the goal and its implications for your well-being.
How NLP can help in international negotiation and multicultural exchange ?
NLP provides techniques and strategies to understand and influence others, as well as to manage one’s own emotions and thoughts.
Some of the NLP techniques that can be useful for negotiators are:
- Framing negotiations as joint problem-solving: Remember, it’s the issue at hand, not the person across from you, that’s the true challenge. Presenting talks as a shared quest for mutual benefit builds rapport and trust.
- Appealing to different senses: People process information differently, often using sensory words aligned with their preferences. Tune into their language to connect more effectively and persuasively.
- Adjusting level of detail: Chunk up for shared goals, down for specific issues. Ascend to broad concepts for common ground, descend to particulars when tackling challenges.
- Creating positive expectations with presuppositions: Implicitly suggest outcomes to influence beliefs and actions. For instance, “When we achieve agreement, how will you feel?” cultivates optimism.
- Simplifying with metaphors and stories: Complex ideas come alive through relatable metaphors and stories, forging emotional connections. Adapt these to the other party’s context and culture for maximum impact.
- Monitoring and adjusting communication: Employ feedback loops—verbal or non-verbal like questioning, paraphrasing, reflecting emotions—to ensure mutual understanding and alignment.
NLP, a toolkit for enhancing the art of negotiation
NLP teaches you how to observe and interpret the signals that reveal what people are thinking and feeling, and how to adapt your communication style to their preferences. NLP also teaches you how to change your emotions, behaviors, and outcomes using various techniques.
NLP is very useful for negotiation, which is a skill that we all need in this complex and diverse world. Negotiation is not just about getting what we want. It’s also about building trust, finding common ground, and creating win-win solutions. NLP can help you do that by teaching you how to build rapport, ask precise questions, use ambiguous language, understand different levels of experience and goals, bridge cultural gaps, and fine-tune your alignment with feedback loops.
So NLP is a powerful tool that can help you influence and understand others better, and make a positive difference in the world. By mastering these techniques, you can become a more effective negotiator who can transform yourself and others.
In summary, Unveiling the power of Neuro-Linguistic Programming in Negotiation
- Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Overview: NLP explores subjective realities, reprogramming the brain for new potential, focusing on communication with oneself and others, impacting behaviors and outcomes.
- Behavior and Thought Modification: NLP changes behaviors, response patterns, and associations with undesirable situations, aiding in goal achievement.
- Unspoken Communication: NLP uncovers unsaid aspects, accessing the concealed part of the iceberg. Involuntary eye movements offer insights into thinking and memory.
- Components of Communication: NLP identifies three sensory components—Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic—matching information processing and expression styles.
- NLP Techniques in Practice:
- Anchoring: Creating emotional triggers linked to sensory experiences.
- Swish Pattern: Replacing negative images with positive mental images.
- Visual-Kinesthetic Dissociation: Reducing the impact of negative memories.
- Rapport: Establishing trust by mirroring body language, tone, and words.
- Meta-model: Challenging vague language to clarify meaning.
- Milton Model: Using vague language to access the subconscious.
- Logical Levels: Identifying levels affecting experience and change.
- Neurological Levels: Identifying neurological processing levels.
- Application in International Negotiation and Multicultural Exchange: NLP equips negotiators with strategies to understand and influence others, and manage emotions and thoughts.
- Framing as joint problem-solving,
- Appealing to different senses,
- Adjusting level of detail,
- Creating positive expectations with presuppositions,
- Simplifying with metaphors and stories,
- Monitoring and adjusting communication.
“The brain operates pretty much on its own, and its focus is survival. The mind is able to focus on more than just survival; it affords us the opportunity to create and choose from a myriad of options.”
Tom Hoobyar
References
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