Soft skills of the negotiator
Negotiation is not only about strategy and tactics, but also about the emotional state of the participants. A positive climate can foster motivation, collaboration, trust, and mutual respect, while a negative one can hinder communication, increase tension, and reduce satisfaction.
There is a direct link between the climate of a negotiation and the degree of motivation of the participants.
This climate is built, cultivated and maintained. The negotiator is responsible for creating and maintaining a positive climate.
A negotiator must show good humor, patience and fairness. He is patient, available and understanding.
Internationally, it rejects all forms of discrimination and exclusion. It avoids any comparison between people/groups/countries through oral remarks. To engage in a buying process, prospects or customers need a climate of emotional security, trust, collaboration and freedom of thought.
The negotiator controls the nature of the exchanges by maintaining a rather low noise level when the tension rises. It is he who ensures this dynamic which, at the level of the partners, leads to the acceptance of others, respect, trust and even mutual aid.
Installing a mindset to work on a “common” project should allow for better participation of all.
The more difficulties there are with regard to exchanges and behaviors, the more questions must be asked about the climate of a negotiation. The climate is nourished by the attitudes and relationships that the protagonists have towards each other. If the climate is not good, we may put in place all the possible strategies, all these efforts will lead to nothing.
The negotiator ensures that each of his collaborators involved in the process is well aware that the climate of the exchanges will greatly influence the quality of the negotiations.
Ways to establish a good climate in the negotiation
- Listen to the other when he speaks, do not disturb others…
- Adapt your communication according to their personalities and their particular needs (leader, child, shy, restless…)
- Take the time to get to know yourself and each other better. This step is also a priority with certain crops (Asia, Africa)
- Learn to present yourself or your team in a funny or original way,
- Inspire and put into practice the values of cooperation: solidarity, mutual aid, respect for differences, esteem for others,
- Create and provide inspiring, motivating and differentiating content,
- Act with others and not against others,
- Discussions and debates on topics that concern privacy (projects, outings…),
- Collective reflection on extra-professional questions raised by partners,
- Exchange of knowledge, ideas,
- Allow speaking time to resolve conflicts,
- Time scheduled (and respected) for the realization of the projects
- A layout of the tables that allows exchanges (U layout for example)
- Different “corners” of isolation that allow independent work and/or exchanges
The climate of a negotiation is influenced by the attitudes and relationships that the protagonists have towards each other. If the climate is not good, no strategy will work. Therefore, the negotiator should pay attention to the signals that indicate the emotional state of the other party and adjust accordingly.
By creating a positive climate, the negotiator can increase the chances of reaching a successful outcome.
PCI “Points of Common Interest” and “Small talks”
In our history, the best way to survive has often been to find people you can bond with. So that’s why we seek agreement on a subject, that’s what helps us find our place within the group.
For the best sales people, the discussion is primarily a way to find points of common interest: PCI (Small talk in the US) and this can take up to 30% of the time of an appointment. They understand that each person is unique.
Each client has their own personality and is challenged in different ways. It is not the same way to address someone who is looking for novelty as someone who needs to be reassured. Listening makes you want to talk. In the end, it strengthens the abilities of influence and persuasion.
Before meetings start, some cultures often allow themselves 5 minutes of small talk before getting into the heart of the matter and addressing business issues. Mastering small talk is essential. These little informal discussions allow you to integrate well.
Small talk is often seen as a waste of time or a sign of superficiality, but it can be a powerful tool for building rapport and trust with your negotiation partner. It also allows you to show your personality and cultural sensitivity, which can increase your influence and persuasion.
In the small talk, the subject does not matter, what matters is to create a link. The themes are quite general and relate to everyday life or are more specifically cultural. The objective is first of all to seek what brings us closer, what we have in common with the other, in particular when we meet new interlocutors.
However, small talk is not a one-size-fits-all technique. You need to adapt to the preferences and expectations of your interlocutor, as well as the context and culture of the negotiation.
In Latin and Mediterranean cultures, nothing beats a good debate. A somewhat heated discussion is not a problem, whereas other cultures (UK, US, Asia…) see it as a form of “aggression”.
It is therefore necessary to avoid aggravating the discussions. If you are the only Mediterranean around the table, it is advisable to avoid teasing, provoking, having repartee in discussions. This kind of attitude can be perceived as a lack of politeness. The differences in language contribute to fueling the bad reputation. It is better to avoid questions that are too direct and opt for slightly more complex sentence structures.
You need to be aware of these differences and avoid any remarks that might offend or alienate your partner.
For example, the French (I am French) have the reputation of being complainers and they like to complain. We are used to asserting ourselves, to show that we have an opinion, to show that we are interested, to show that we are invested and we tend to express our point of view, being against everything !
It gives us the feeling of existing. So we complain “to exist”.
Stopping complaining would therefore mean that we are submissive and that we accept to be dominated and to be walked on.
On the contrary, the best negotiators never see a problem but rather talk about a solution. You never see good negotiators with a pessimistic mindset. Their attitude communicates their enthusiasm and confidence in an infectious way. They always see the glass as half full rather than half empty.
Small talk is not a trivial matter. It is a strategic skill that can help you establish a positive climate for negotiation and achieve better outcomes. By using small talk effectively, you can make your partner feel more comfortable, interested, and cooperative.
Beware, some people get frustrated with small talks perceived as gossip. For them, small talk is boring and superficial. They want to have more meaningful and interesting conversations and tackle deeper topics.
“I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.”
Larry David
Happy CEO 