How to avoid the 7 deadly sins of negotiation
Negotiation is a skill that can make or break your career. Whether you are negotiating a salary, a contract, a partnership, or a merger, you need to be able to communicate effectively and persuasively with your counterpart. However, many people fall into common traps that undermine their chances of reaching a satisfactory agreement. Here are seven mistakes to avoid when negotiating, and how to overcome them.
1-Don’t let your emotions take over the conversation
Emotions can cloud your judgment and trigger defensive or aggressive reactions from both sides. Instead of letting your feelings get the best of you, try to stay calm and rational. Focus on the facts and the interests of both parties, rather than on personalities or emotions.
2-Don’t let your ego get in the way of your goals
Pride can be a powerful motivator, but it can also blind you to the reality of the situation. Don’t let your ego prevent you from making concessions, listening to feedback, or admitting mistakes. Remember that negotiation is not a competition or a test of your worth, but a collaborative process to find a mutually beneficial solution.
3-Don’t assume that your counterpart has the upper hand
Many negotiators suffer from a lack of confidence and assume that their counterpart has more power, information, or options than they do. This can lead them to accept unfavorable terms or give up too easily. However, you should never underestimate your own value and leverage. Your counterpart is negotiating with you for a reason: because you have something they need or want. Use that to your advantage and don’t be afraid to ask for what you deserve.
4-Don’t take counter-arguments personally
Negotiation is not a personal attack, but a way of exploring different perspectives and possibilities. Don’t let your ego interfere with your ability to listen and learn from your counterpart. Instead of feeling threatened or offended by their objections, try to understand where they are coming from and how you can address them. Use questions, paraphrasing, and empathy to show that you respect their point of view and are willing to work with them.
5-Don’t think in terms of win-lose
Many negotiators view negotiation as a zero-sum game, where one party’s gain is another party’s loss. This can lead them to adopt a competitive or adversarial mindset that limits their creativity and cooperation. However, negotiation is not a fixed pie, but a dynamic and flexible process that can create value for both sides. Instead of thinking in terms of win-lose, think in terms of win-win. Look for ways to expand the pie by finding common ground, generating options, and trading off issues.
6-Don’t be distracted by the style or personality of your counterpart
Some negotiators use tactics such as intimidation, threats, or charm to influence or manipulate their counterparts. Others may have a personality that clashes with yours or a style that differs from yours. Don’t let these factors distract you from the substance and the goals of the negotiation. Focus on the issues and the interests, not on the people and their behaviors. If necessary, use objective criteria, third-party opinions, or external benchmarks to validate your claims and proposals.
7-Don’t feel obligated to reach an agreement at all costs
Some negotiators feel pressured to close a deal because they have invested a lot of time, money, or energy in the negotiation. They may also fear losing face or damaging the relationship if they walk away. However, sometimes no deal is better than a bad deal. Don’t let sunk costs or emotions influence your decision-making. Know your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) and be prepared to walk away if the deal does not meet your minimum requirements.
10 ways to sabotage your negotiation success
Many people make mistakes that undermine their effectiveness and damage their relationships with their counterparts. Here are 10 common mistakes to avoid when negotiating, and how to overcome them.
1-Don’t be overconfident about your position
Confidence is good, but overconfidence can be dangerous. It can lead you to neglect your preparation, ignore important information, or dismiss alternative options. Instead of assuming that you have the best offer or the strongest argument, do your homework and assess your strengths and weaknesses objectively.
2-Don’t base your negotiation on your counterpart’s proposals
If you only react to what your counterpart proposes, you are giving them the control and the initiative. You are also doing all the work of moving them away from their position, while they can sit back and wait for your concessions. Instead of following their lead, set your own agenda and make your own proposals that reflect your interests and goals.
3-Don’t end the discussion after a deadlock
A deadlock can be frustrating and discouraging, but it doesn’t mean that the negotiation is over. It may be a sign that you need to explore the issues more deeply, generate more options, or change the perspective. Instead of giving up or settling for a suboptimal outcome, try to break the impasse by asking open-ended questions, introducing new information, or suggesting a different approach.
4-Don’t assume that you know why your counterpart holds a certain position
Many negotiators make the mistake of inferring the reasons behind their counterpart’s position, without verifying them. This can lead them to accept or legitimize their position, without challenging it or understanding it. Instead of making assumptions, ask your counterpart to explain their rationale and provide evidence for their claims. This will help you uncover their underlying interests and needs, and find ways to address them.
5-Don’t bluff or lie when you don’t have a strong strategic advantage
Bluffing or lying can be tempting when you want to gain an edge or hide a weakness. However, if your counterpart discovers your deception, you will lose your credibility and trust. You will also face a dilemma: either act against your real interests or admit your dishonesty. Instead of resorting to unethical tactics, focus on creating value and building rapport with your counterpart.
6-Don’t make threats
Threats are a risky and counterproductive strategy. They often provoke irrational reactions that escalate the conflict and harm the relationship. They also reduce your flexibility and credibility, as you will have to follow through on your threats or lose face. Instead of using threats, use incentives and consequences. Explain how both parties can benefit from an agreement, or how they can suffer from a disagreement.
7-Don’t take anything as non-negotiable, especially if your counterpart says so
Many negotiators accept certain terms or conditions as non-negotiable, without questioning them or challenging them. They may also believe their counterpart when they say that something is non-negotiable, without testing their commitment or exploring their alternatives. However, nothing is truly non-negotiable in a negotiation. Everything can be discussed and modified, if there is enough motivation and creativity. Instead of accepting limitations, look for opportunities and trade-offs.
8-Don’t impose something on your counterpart because you have the power to do so
Power can be a useful tool in negotiation, but it can also be a double-edged sword. If you use your power to coerce or dominate your counterpart, you may win in the short term, but you will lose in the long term. Your counterpart will resent you, resist you, or seek revenge later. Instead of abusing your power, use it wisely and responsibly. Seek to influence rather than control, and balance power with respect and fairness.
9-Don’t try to “win” the negotiation
Negotiation is not a game or a war, where one party wins and the other party loses. It is a collaborative process where both parties can achieve their objectives and satisfy their interests. If you try to “win” the negotiation by defeating or outsmarting your counterpart, you will create a competitive or adversarial atmosphere that will limit your cooperation and creativity. You will also miss the chance to find the optimal solution for both parties. Instead of trying to “win” the negotiation, try to create value and build trust with your counterpart.
10-Don’t attack your counterpart rather than their arguments
Negotiation is not a personal attack, but a way of exploring different perspectives and possibilities. If you criticize or judge your counterpart as a person, rather than their arguments as ideas, you will trigger defensive or hostile reactions that will hinder the communication and the relationship. You will also divert the attention from the issues and the interests that matter most. Instead of attacking your counterpart, respect them and focus on their arguments. Use facts, logic, and evidence to support your claims and challenge theirs.
By avoiding these common seven pitfalls and ten mistakes, you can improve your effectiveness and your chances of achieving successful outcomes in any negotiation situation.
“We are fascinated by words, but where we meet is in the silence behind them.”
Ram Dass
Happy CEO 